Have you ever had a moment when you made a decision to drastically change something in your life? In hindsight it was more than a moment but the light bulb switched on one particular day for me when things just got way too overwhelming. That experience was the beginning of my road to here, writing this blog for Ederra, something I'm extremely grateful to be doing.
To give you a bit of background, about nine months ago my part time office job was making me miserable full time. The department was down two employees so I had more work than was physically possible to complete. I was doing my best but it was never enough. My days there were often awful in terms of the demands on my time and when I was at home I was still worried about everything I hadn't done and wasn't sleeping properly. One day at work after being told I was required to add something else on to my already overloaded plate, I broke. I tried to explain that I couldn't do anymore and got no sympathy. That's when it suddenly became clear.
I had to leave. It wasn't worth the crap I was going through.
I had been suffering from IBS for a few years and had had a hysterectomy the year before after more than 10 years of problems. Both of these health conditions were exacerbated by stress. My dentist had told me on my last visit to relax and stop grinding my teeth or there would be issues. I seemed unable to manage my health and felt terrible most of the time, emotionally and physically.
As well as my own health problems, my youngest daughter suffers from asthma that has seen her admitted to hospital on a few occasions, has some food allergies and we had just discovered she has a moderate hearing loss in one ear. I didn't know what this would mean for her future long term but did know it would mean an MRI and follow up appointments in the near future. The mental fatigue I felt just thinking about making more appointments around work, kindergarten, school and our other commitments was immense. My husband has a full time job and one of the reasons I was only working part time was so I would have time to do these kinds of things. I should have had plenty of time and energy for everything but I felt like I just couldn't cope.
To add to my guilt, my oldest daughter hated going to before school care and after school care and two days a week we battled just to leave the house on time. She often begged me not to take her there and I felt awful every time my husband or I dropped her off.
All this went through my mind on the day I broke and I knew that it shouldn't be this hard. Enough was enough. I wanted to work but I didn't want to work there. I wanted a job that was more flexible so I could plan appointments without having a panic attack and I wanted to walk my kids to school. But more than anything, I wanted to enjoy life again.
I had to leave and find work that would fit in with the lifestyle I wanted.
It took a couple more weeks and a serious budget discussion with my husband but I handed in my resignation. There were feelings of failure, guilt, anxiety and doubt but ultimately I knew I was doing the right thing. I had been at that job long enough to qualify for long service leave so I took the payout and decided to start my own business. It would be a while until it got off the ground, but it was the beginning of Ederra Home and Garden Décor.